Tuesday nights are Song Circle nights at Rockhopper's Folk Art Coffeehouse in Clinton, down the road, and it's always a lot of fun to sit around with a bunch of musicians and singers and harmonize. Dan and Rene, proprietors of Rockhopper's, have installed a mini-cam and the furniture is comfortable and wildly decorated by Rene's creative spirit. Two hours spent there singing with others in that informal, whimsical setting is quite an experience. You can get a taste of it by going here and scrolling down to the Oct. 2 entry with the video clip (actually almost two hours long----but you can get a glimpse in a few moments). I'm not on camera but you can hear my voice in the songs.
It was a welcome antidote to the grumpy mood I've been in for a couple of days after a tangle with another person which, unfortunately, I was unable to blame solely on her. Isn't that the pits, to be so "reasonable" that you have to take responsibility for your own s--t, that you can't just say "well, it's somebody else's fault" and walk away blamelessly. I was wrong to say something in the way I did and got a thorough dressing-down. I do think that what I said wasn't worth the diatribe I got, but that's the breaks.
I keep a journal and do a lot of stream of consciousness writing in it when I'm mad, so there are several pages dedicated to telling this person off without actually communicating it. I don't tend to dump on other people in the way I got dumped on, but that's my style, not necessarily someone else's. I also think that diatribes often say more about the other person than about me, so I try to let it roll off my back. But it's always hard to be the target of remarks that go beyond the requisite "this pissed me off, so quit it". I did learn a couple of interesting phrases in the process: "working my last gay nerve" was the most colorful but it doesn't seem very useful in my setting.
The grumpy mood is on its way out and that's good news. I hate being in that place, angry and feeling as if I have been treated vengefully for very little reason. It would feel good temporarily to blast back, but the negatives outweigh the positives, in terms of my own peace of mind. People have to be themselves and sometimes the authentic self doesn't make others happy. Again, that's the breaks.