Today has been a day of thinking and deciding. I've been keeping a journal of this journey of "vision", both metaphorical and actual. I'm realizing that for the first few days, I was in fairly deep denial about the seriousness of a detached retina and also of the process of healing. I wanted it to be over fast, I wanted to be faster in recovery than anyone else has ever been (overnight, if possible), I was tempted to drive myself somewhere just to see if I could, I was totally unrealistic about what I could do despite all evidence to the contrary.
Today is different. The local eye guy told me this morning that it might be weeks, even months, before my vision completely returned, that my "central vision" would probably not completely return and I will have to get my contacts and glasses re-prescriptioned, if that's a word. Boy, that's sobering. Not the re-do of the lenses but the lessening of vision. And there's not much I can do about it except obey the doctor's orders.
So the thinking has been serious today. I was supposed to go to Astoria to preach on May 31. I've canceled that; I don't know if I will have good enough vision at that time to take on a long drive alone. I'm also aware that it was one more instance of having overscheduled in order to cram one more obligation/honorarium/excursion into my life when I really wanted more to stay home, forego the $$, and sing with BVS at the WAIF event on the 30th. That I can do without endangering myself or others!
The only things I need to do this week are get the O/S to the administrator for Sunday and write a short blurb about Pete for the service. The concert is pretty much on track and I have little to do to get ready for it, other than some rehearsing. I do have to pick up the birthday cake on Friday afternoon and get it to the church, but my friend Sue will be here and she can drive. By the time she leaves, I ought to be able to drive myself.
Lots of people have remarked on what a "stiff upper lip" and "good attitude" I seem to have about it. And truthfully, I'm not depressed or angry or sad; I'm feeling pretty good. In fact, I'm feeling almost relieved that something drastic yet not life-threatening came along to remove a bunch of stuff from my overloaded plate and give me something to think about.
The timer's about to ring. Back to the pondering position.
7 comments:
Interesting that you needed something so drastic to slow down. Why are we like that?
I think I don't want to admit that I am at a point in life where I could slow down. I am having so much fun, feeling so on top of things, so healthy, and I haven't felt so energized and appreciated for a long time.
The news of vision change is sobering stuff. I'm holding you close in my prayers...and including a wish that whatever lands in your lap, you'll have the resources to see it through. You are dear, Ms. Kitty.
If it's any encouragement, at least the lessening of vision isn't the begin of a gradual and continuing decline but only a one-time event. (I'm assuming here, but I think it makes sense.)
As for slowing down... I can't imagine you slowing to a crawl or anything. Slowing down in one area of your life means more time to pursue other areas, right? Any time you can find for fun, you have earned.
Thanks for all your support, friends. I went to the doc today in Seattle and learned that I am healing up nicely, am almost at the end of my face-down regimen, and can drive in a few days. Hallelujah!
Isn't temporary incapacitation the weirdest thing? When I sprained my ankle a couple of years ago, it was SOOOOO HAAAAARRRDD to stop moving and just let my ankle heal. I have most of my range of motion and strength back in that ankle, but it's not quiiiiite the same as it used to be.
What's weird though, is that when I had a physical assessment abour five months after the injury, i had better leg strength and cardio capacity than a year before. Occasional rest can actually improve your health and life. Blessings on you during your recovery!
The rest part has indeed been very important. Several people have mentioned to me during this past week that they wondered if I wasn't just doing too much. I knew I was overscheduled but I thought I would just plow through it. I think I am wiser now.
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