Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Feeling Sad...

this morning as I think about the illness and impending deaths of people close to me, as well as the recent deaths of others.

My only brother, whose near-miraculous heart reshaping surgery three years ago at Johns Hopkins gave him a health reprieve for a time, is now learning that his borrowed time is getting shorter, that there are few fixes short of a heart transplant, and that this solution may not come in time for him. My friend and fellow activist on the island, whose remission from breast cancer ended last winter, enters a local hospice this week. And others in frail health or grief struggle on, coping with pain and anxiety and multiple treatments: the bride in chemo, the widower of a few weeks, the survivors of an old friend whose body finally gave out.

These illnesses and deaths touch very close to home. My role and skills as a pastor help me keep some of it at arms length for awhile, because there are others to consider, tasks to perform, ceremonies to prepare, people to comfort. But the grief sneaks in anyhow, and I think of the little boy with his bright eyes and indomitable spirit, the mother intent upon giving her lesbian daughter and niece the safety of PFLAG, the bride with her bald head planning her wedding, the widower making his way back to church after a long absence, the Portland sisters bereft of mother, father, and brother in such a short time.

The enormity of life is very real right now. The great grief that humans experience because they love so deeply is very near.

But there is always joy as well. Today at 9:16 a.m. MDT marks the moment of birth of my beloved son, in whom I am well-pleased. He is 35 years old at this very moment. I call him every year at that moment and he's usually groggy so this year I decided I'd call at 9:16 PDT, out of kindness. Happy Birthday, child of my heart. You give me enough joy in life to offset the grief and I am grateful.

10 comments:

uuMomma said...

MsKitty, I'm thinking of you today.

Earthbound Spirit said...

Wishing you a good day with sufficient blessings.

LinguistFriend said...

It sounds like a hard period; at times I think that before the 20th century life, was constantly like that. Physicians could often at best console, but much more often had no hope of healing. It is good that you have strong surviving family connections and know that you were largely successful with your son. Best wishes -
LinguistFriend

ms. kitty said...

Thanks to all of you for your kindness.

Mile High Pixie said...

Today is a Circle of Life day for you indeed. Blessings on you as you watch lives ebb and flow like the tide on your wee, blessed island. May grace find you all.

nJoyLife said...

MsKitty, you have touched my heart today. My mother had her tumor operated this day two years back. She’s no, more with us today. When something happens to our near and dear ones, we get so sad. But, I feel Life is a practical truth. We have to live it. We have to enjoy it. I think in our tough times our real friends are of great help to us. You can make more friends online by visiting my site-- "Lets101 - Online Dating made simple" . This is a FREE online dating site.

Mama G said...

Ms. Kitty, it seems in your line of work you have a lot to keep close to your heart. You are in my thoughts today.

Miss Kitty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss Kitty said...

I loved this post--what a beautiful birthday tribute! Happy birthday. Ms. K's son!

I loved the part about how he "gives [you] enough joy to offset the grief of this world." So very well said.

Jay said...

Bless your heart, Ms. Kitty. You're in my thoughts.