Thursday, October 29, 2009

A couple of Halloween Feghoots.

There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all.

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al.

He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.

The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

So what's the moral of the story?

The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

Bob Hill and his wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding!

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.

 He bursts in and shouts to his master: (wait for it!)

"Master, Master! ..... The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

(thanks to MissCellania)


ginj said...

Ms. Kitty, I fear that you've entered The Joel Zone!

ms. kitty said...

I know, ain't it great?

kimc said...

Where did you get the term "feghoot"?

ms. kitty said...

I'm not sure it originated in Mensa, but that's where I first heard it. Isaac Asimov, I think, had something to do with the term and he was in Mensa.

Mile High Pixie said...

BAAHAHAHAAAAA!!! Those are perfect! And I can tell those jokes to kids! (Which is good--I don't have a lot of clean humor.)

ms. kitty said...

Always happy to help you out, Pixie.

kimc said...

Ms. Kitty: I have only ever heard the term "feghoot" in Mensa also. That's why I asked. I didn't know anyone else ever used it, and I still don't. Did you also play Carnelli? Mensa seems to have its own names for things....

kimc said...

Oh, Pixie -- Do you want some kid humor?
My all-time favorite riddle, which I learned when I was in fourth grade:
Where do you find most of the fish?
Between the head and the tail!

I have a couple of others too, and I'm sure the rest of this group does too.

ms. kitty said...

I looked it up on Wikipedia, Kimc, and didn't see Mensa mentioned, but Isaac Asimov was, and he was a long time Mensan.

Yes, I've played Carnelli, both in the local group (Denver) I was in for years and also at an AG.