Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Troubled by the world this morning

I woke up feeling out of sorts and reading the newspaper didn't help, with all its news about Russia and Georgia, John Edwards' behavior, election accusations and counter-accusations between candidates, both local and national, and the latest environmental concerns. Usually the comics provide a little relief, but this morning neither comics nor coffee nor cats did the trick. Lily even snarled and batted at Loosy, behavior so out of character that I yelled at both of them.

I know a lot of it is because I'm really tired. The past four or five days have been just jammed with responsibilities, things to prepare for, things to stage or participate in, pastoral care, meetings, workshop, planning for the new year, wondering how various issues within the congregation will resolve and what I can do to facilitate positive moves. There haven't been enough breaks between responsibilities to do more than barely catch my breath. It's the moment in time when I start wondering how I can wangle a mental health day! This used to be a good solution when I was a teacher; it doesn't work so well in ministry!

Annoyance seems to be my mood right now: annoyance at the petty, selfish things people do and say, annoyance at attitudes that may be perfectly fine to the person holding them but irritating as hell to me, annoyance at the idiocies of public figures who somehow think that if they apologize to their wives for their infidelities everything should be okay with the American people and it's none of our business (it's not, but yet it is too our business if someone is dishonest), annoyance at my own foolishness, annoyance at Max for not coming in when it's dark, annoyance at the way certain issues seem to occupy my consciousness even though I know they will probably resolve in a reasonable way.

Usually getting together with other musicians and spending some time rehearsing or just singing dispels the blues for me, but last night's practice time didn't do it. I came home late, even more tired after a couple of hours of practice which didn't feel that productive. I like my fellow musicians a lot, but it just was hard last night.

We did have a wonderful time yesterday at the worship committee's annual workshop training session. That was definitely a bright spot and even though it was a huge responsibility and added to my tiredness, it was a great day. The weather cooperated and we were able to be outside on the grass, we had a good turnout, and I'm pleased by folks' response to it as well as by the chance to work with two other leaders whom I didn't know well.

Life is actually good in most ways. I'm just tired. And I'm going to make a conscious effort to find time every day this week to back away from responsibilities. I know some of this is a reaction to not having had enough time off in July, as well as the inevitable "wedding rush" that always comes along in the summer. And there are other issues as well that I don't have the freedom to discuss in the blog that trouble me and I hope for their peaceful resolution.

This weekend, I'm going to eastern Washington to spend the weekend with my sister and preach at the Pasco church before coming home on Sunday. Even though it is a long drive, just being away from home for a few days will be restorative and meeting some new folks at the Pasco church will be fun.

More later.

UPDATE: Had a good, productive RE committee meeting this morning, had a great latte' from Rockhoppers, and am home now feeling more upbeat. Going up to Coupeville this afternoon to visit a parishioner in the hospital and maybe do a little retail therapy. Yay!

3 comments:

uumomma said...

I've been on news blackout, thanks to a storm that took out our cable and internet for the better part of last week. Good for my mental state, bad for my awareness of the world outside my immediate surround.

Feel better, friend.

Lizard Eater said...

Have a safe journey. Oh, and right now, drink lots of water. (I am such a mom ...) Being dehydrated always exacerbates that tired feeling for me. And being tired eats away at the "ozone layer" that we need around ourselves in order to survive seeing all the pain in the world.

Hmm. Physician, heal thyself. I'm off for a big glass ...

ms. kitty said...

Thanks for your kind words and loving advice, dear ones. I'm also in the process of writing a long journal entry of all the things I can't put in the blog. I just need to talk these things out and don't have anyone handy to do it with right now. So I write.