The ABC's of Q

The ABC’s of Q

There are some new letters in the Q alphabet, along with a whole lot

 of new understandings of gender identity and sexual attraction.  Most of us are probably familiar with the standard acronym LGBT and many are likely acquainted with the additional letters of Q and I (queer and intersex).  We’ve become more comfortable with the changes emerging in the language of sexual and gender diversity:  

CISgender, for example, means someone whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth and we tend to automatically think of other humans falling mostly within that definition.  So it has been really important that, as the term “homosexual” began to feel pejorative and limited, the non-CIS population of our world has expanded to include layers of sexual and gender identity that have been previously unknown except to those who inhabit those identities.

According to a recent NYT article, there’s pansexual, someone attracted to people of all gender identities; demisexual, someone who does not experience sexual attraction except to someone with whom they have a strong emotional connection; and graysexual, someone who occasionally experiences sexual attraction but usually does not, so it’s a gray area.  

We are getting more comfortable with the knowledge that many people identify neither as male nor female but see themselves outside the gender binary, and call themselves Nonbinary.  They may also use the term genderqueer, exhibiting both traditionally masculine and feminine qualities or neither.  

Gender fluid is a term used by people whose identity shifts or fluctuates.  Gender neutral describes someone who prefers “they” as their singular pronoun, not described by a specific gender.  The Pride Rainbow refracts into a beautiful panorama of color and inclusion.

There’s one more letter in the acronym and that’s A.  I’ve previously thought of it as signifying Ally and Advocate, but as I age and get ever nearer to my 80th birthday, I realize that gradually I have let go of my search for a sexual partner and I have become comfortably Asexual, a person who experiences little or no sexual attraction—to anyone.  

I am eager to give and to receive love but not sexual love.  It’s different from celibacy, which is a discipline sometimes required by religious vows; it is an understanding that I am attracted to people for nonsexual reasons, and this is both a physical and an emotional condition. 

It is also a huge relief to know that this is normal!  Yes, I have formerly lived a life as Ms. Kitty, an eager ciswoman attracted to men, but now I want friends, not lovers.