Remembering Who We Are

REMEMBERING WHO WE ARE

Rev. Kit Ketcham

UUCWI, May 10, 2015

            A couple of years ago, I decided to sign up for National Geographic’s “Genome” project and sent in  DNA samples to be analyzed.  I was curious to know more about my genetic heritage, my geographic roots, and to follow up on family stories that hinted at exotic bloodlines.

            I was fascinated by the results but, rather than confirming family stories like “am I really related to Blackjack Ketchum, the New Mexican gunfighter” and “do we have indigenous roots from Arctic ancestors like the  Saami?”, instead, the results of the two tests I took just created more questions.

            I discovered that, true to what I already knew, I am 46% northern European, in my case, probably Scandinavian.  But the surprising thing was that I am 36%  Mediterranean, 18% West Asian, and about 2% Neanderthal and 2% Denisovan. 

These latter two, as you may know, are archaic human species, our most ancient human ancestors yet discovered.   Of course, that doesn’t mean much yet except that now I know a few of my forerunners did the primeval version of the modern hook-up on their way up north.

            “Who am I?” is one of the primary theological questions of humanity.  We want to know who we are and what it means to be human.   As kids, we heard from parents and counselors the age-old advice, “Just be yourself, honey”, and we would really like to do that.  But who are we really?

            In 2013, in response to our growing desire to learn more about our Scandinavian roots, my sister Jean and I took a 12 day cruise to the Scandinavian countries, visiting Denmark, Norway, Iceland, and Sweden briefly, where we were surrounded by a culture that seemed both familiar and unfamiliar. 

            It could have been all the healthy-looking blonde people or maybe the ertasopa and pickled herring served on board the ship on “Norway Day” that seemed familiar.  And it might have been the European flavor of the housing and shops, or English spoken clearly but with a Nordic lilt that seemed unfamiliar.  But it gave us a glimpse into our mother’s heritage; she is half Norwegian and half Swedish and her ancestral memory is strong in us both. 

            Of course, genetics is only part of the answer to the question “Who Am I?”  Our genetic makeup gives us a physiological foundation for our lives, shaping our appearance, our propensity for certain traits, including physical strengths and weaknesses.  What we do with what we’ve got largely depends on the environment we grow up in and the encouragement we get.     

            As I began to think about what I wanted to say to you today, on my first return to this “bully pulpit” in almost three years, I sorted through our history together, going back 12 years to our beginnings in Dave and Mavis Cauffmans’ living room, where I first met the Search Committee in 2003.

            You were looking for a minister who could give you steady service after a tumultuous time in the history of the congregation.  I was looking for a place to serve where I could use some of the lessons I’d learned in my own tumultuous experience with ministry.

            I remember being very tired that day---not sure of myself as a minister and not a bit sure about serving another island congregation in addition to working with the Vashon Island fellowship.  I preached to the Search Committee from a music stand in the Cauffmans’ living room, my first encounter with several of the pillars of this congregation:  Mavis and Dave Cauffman and Frances Wood, who are still with us today, and Peggy Bardarson, John Adams,  and Don Wollett, whose legacy lingers on.

            I came away exhilarated by their welcome, their energy, their hopes and their plans for the future.    It was the best gift I could have received at that time in my life and it launched us on a nine-year journey together that has brought us to this time and this place.

            During our nine years together, we managed to do quite a lot!  We became a Welcoming Congregation, undertook a major Capital Campaign and built this beautiful home for ourselves.  We became a presence in the community, part of interfaith efforts with other congregations, standing on the side of love and justice on issues of marriage equality and death with dignity in particular.  We learned to oppose torture while honoring the service of our military families.

            We had a lot of fun together, whether it was over lunch at China City or dinner on the North End, coffee klatches and fabulous gatherings spawned by auction items.

            And…we mourned the deaths of many of our dear ones and started a tradition of a story-telling vigil shortly after each death, a way to come together in the moment and share our shock and grief at the loss of a loved one. 

Several deaths among us, however, during an 18-month period of time took their toll on me and I found I could not bear to think of losing another beloved person from our midst. 

It was then that I realized I was going to need to retire and gain some respite from the onslaught of grief.  As you might guess, it isn’t easy to conduct memorial service after memorial service, setting aside one’s own grief in order to help others grieve, time after time.

I was looking at my 70^th birthday on down the road and felt my work here was coming to an end.  I needed rest and knew you would benefit from someone with a new approach to ministry, new energy, new ideas.  And you found Dennis, my longtime friend and colleague.

            But our journeys didn’t end at that point; they morphed, you learning to trust and enjoy Dennis’s leadership, coming to love both him and Suzanne, and seeing new possibilities for this congregation.  I have followed your progress now for these three years and I feel like a proud mama!

            And on this Mothers’ Day, it feels appropriate to express to you the joy I feel as I read the newsletter and the weekly report of activities and reminders of things coming up, as well as the sense of pride and accomplishment I personally feel at your growth and maturity in ministry!

            During the past three years of my retirement, I too have grown and matured.  I have had to take stock of who I am, now that I’m in my 70’s.  Luckily, many of you have been role models for me in aging! 

            Having enjoyed excellent health nearly all of my life, with only a few semi-crises to handle, it was a surprise to me that once I had time to relax, I found myself coping with some of the unfamiliar  health challenges of aging. 

Shingles, doggone it!  Multiple retina repairs over the course of several months.  An eyelid procedure to restore my scope of vision and then a warning from an anesthesiologist to see a cardiac specialist. 

Because of that warning, I received a pacemaker a few weeks ago to regulate a slow and bumpy heart rate.  None of these health setbacks has been terribly serious or limiting, but they have served to make me aware of the fact that I, that we, are mortal.

Retirement has been a whole new education---in health, in new experiences, in self-understanding, and in coming to terms with the awareness that my life is limited.  There comes an end.

Remember Mary Oliver’s poem, A Summer Day, which ends with these words, “what will you do with your one wild and precious life?”

I remember years ago when I first felt called to the ministry.  The Rev. Robert Latham was our minister at Jefferson Unitarian Church in Colorado and one Sunday he spoke about his own sense of call.

He read a poem by Robert Frost, entitled “Two Tramps in Mudtime”, about the poet’s feelings when he was interrupted by a couple of jobless lumberjacks who needed work and seemed to resent his desire to chop his own wood. 

The poem closes with these words and they hit me right between the eyes that day and come back to me as I consider how I’m spending my life these days.  The last stanza goes like this:

But yield who will to their separation, 
My object in living is to unite 
My avocation and my vocation 
As my two eyes make one in sight. 
Only where love and need are one, 
And the work is play for mortal stakes, 
Is the deed ever really done 
For Heaven and the future's sakes. 

 

One of my reasons for moving to Oregon’s North Coast was the strong childhood memories I had of that area, playing on the beach, exploring the tide pools, splashing in the ocean---and getting my first kiss there! 

A second strong reason was that I knew there was a Unitarian Universalist congregation in Astoria.  I figured I’d join it and relax, while others carried on the ministry.

I joined that Fellowship, as well as signing up for a variety of other activities along the coast----the local land conservancy, a hiking club, and the educational opportunity for seniors through the local community college.  Making new friends, learning about my new environment as an adult rather than as a kid with a sand pail, and, just incidentally, having a place to go to church on Sundays----that was the plan.

But I found myself missing ministry.  I didn’t feel useful any where.  Yes, I could fold newsletters for the conservancy and go on hikes with the mountain club and take classes with the seniors and enjoy the services offered by the Fellowship.   I was busy all the time, enjoying myself, but I didn’t feel useful.

I didn’t expect that to happen.  I thought I would be kicking my heels up, going hither and yon with new adventures and new people.  Instead, there was something missing.

I don’t know how many of you have had that experience early in your retirement or how many of you realize that retirement is a big challenge.  Maybe, like me, you figured you’d have a blast with all that freedom.

But I quickly realized that freedom isn’t as much fun as finding a place where you can serve and getting on with it.  It might be something new, something you’ve never experienced before, or it might be something you know how to do that nobody else really has the time and ability to offer.

So after six months of sitting quietly in the beautiful little sanctuary of the layled Pacific UU Fellowship, looking out over Young’s Bay toward Saddle Mountain, I asked if I could be helpful.  “We were hoping you would ask,” their president replied.  And so I’m useful once again.  “Only when love and need are one, and the work is play for mortal stakes, is the deed ever really done for Heaven and the future’s sakes.”

Who am I?  I am an almost 73 year old woman, in good health, of mostly-sound mind, of Scandinavian, Mediterranean, and West Asian descent.  And I’m still a minister, to a tiny congregation that is now growing and maturing as a spiritual center in the community. 

This role has expanded, as well.  The land conservancy asked me to preside over their annual remembrance service in memory of their deceased donors.  I have conducted weddings and memorial services for members of the seniors group and have taught a class on “Wisdom from life’s experiences”.  I’ve written op-ed articles for the local newspaper on the issues of Marriage Equality and Death with Dignity and have been asked to write another short piece with a UU perspective.

All these needs for my ministry have challenged me and I’ve even been  rethinking some of my theology.

Last Christmas, my son and his wife came to visit and one afternoon we were talking about UUism and our satisfactions or dissatisfactions with this faith, and he mentioned something that startled me.  He has decided, on the basis of his own experience and education, that he is an atheist.

I argued with him a little bit, wanting him to expand his thinking to include other images of the divine, but in the middle of my argument, I realized that I’m no longer a traditional theist either.

Several things have contributed to this change in my thinking:  my longtime 12 step interest in finding a Higher Power that was not subject to human whims,  a growing interest in science and in learning about our universe, a deep weariness with religious doctrines that seem only good for digging holes in the sand to hide heads in.

At the same time, because of my family’s traditional faith, I was not ready to throw God overboard.  And I pray.  I pray despite asking myself “who am I praying to?”

So I’ve been working on these challenges. I’ve found real peace in letting go of the pretense that I am basically a theistic Christian at heart.  I have no sympathy for a religious faith that excludes and condemns those who are different, though progressive Christianity has become much more enlightened.

I’m too old not to say what I think and when I’m honest with myself, I can’t help but remember that Thor and Freya and Odin and Zeus and Diana and all those ancient gods and goddesses have slipped into the mists of legend.  How long before the traditional image of the God of Abraham, Moses, and Mohammed is left beside a road that leads not to a heaven or a hell but to the stars?

As we learn more about the expanding wonders of the universe, I see that the old gods, the old ways of understanding the miracle of life,

 are losing momentum and the old prophets, the ones who have tried to tell us to turn our backs on justice and equality for all, are being rapidly proved wrong.

So what do we have left, if the gods and goddesses are becoming legends?  How can we, as individuals and congregations, come to grips with this reality, honoring new concepts of the Holy, the power beyond human power which many still call God and Goddess but which others are beginning to see as our ever-expanding, ever-present, beautiful and fierce mysterious universe, the source of all we know as human creatures, the Truth which we can only learn from and not deny.

Who are we really?  We have eaten of the fruit of the tree of life, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, according to the ancient legend.  We are nourished by this fruit and challenged to know the difference between good and evil.

My former colleague and friend, the Rev. Dr. Peter Raible, has given us these prophetic words:

“We build on foundations we did not lay.  We warm ourselves by fires we did not light.  We sit in the shade of trees we did not plant.  We drink from wells we did not dig.  We profit from persons we did not know.  We are ever bound in community.”
            And I think Peter’s words offer us an answer.  We are bound forever in community, a community of love and justice in which we strive to better each others’ lives and thereby bring forward the foundations that have been laid for us in the past, the fires which were already lit when we arrived, the trees that someone else planted, the wells from which we drink.  All our existence has been made possible by others who prepared the way for us.

It is our work to continue, not to abandon.  We are the ones whose work it is to prepare for those who will follow us.

Let’s pause for a time of silent reflection and prayer.

BENEDICTION:  Our worship service, our time of shaping worth together, is ended, but our service to the world begins again as we leave this place.  Let us go in peace, remembering that our work is to prepare the world for coming generations.  May we cherish the effort of others and vow to build upon their work as we continue to grow in maturity.  Amen, Shalom, Salaam, and Blessed Be.