Monday, May 24, 2010

An addendum to the story

There are always awarenesses that emerge after the fact, after the story, that add to the meaning of any event, and my experience with friends at the morgue has been deeper than I initially realized.

I had said in my previous post that these friends did not know they were inviting me into a sacred moment, but as I reread the post and re-experienced the time we spent together that day, I realized that of course they knew. It was a sacred time for them and they wanted me to be there with them. It gives the time even greater meaning, to know that their invitation was intentional. And as I know them better, I understand the depth of their own spiritual maturity.

An email conversation this morning after my friends read the blog post helped clarify a few things for me: fear short-circuits thoughts and awareness sometimes; setting aside the fear and going forward despite one's qualms is often the right thing to do; being ashamed of the fear and lack of awareness is normal but not necessary.

It hadn't yet occurred to me to update my recent post with this new learning but I want to do so. Without my acknowledging all the growth that this experience spurred in me, the story is incomplete. And it may always be incomplete because I suspect I will continue to grow because of my friendship and love for this family.

I am grateful for their wisdom, their grace in a terrible situation, and the connection we have which has become stronger with each new step in this process.


LinguistFriend said...

It is very hard to get used to the morgue and what one sees there. I did so after experience in obtaining anatomical specimens at the slaughter house and from animals used to teach surgeons how to save lives. I hope that this family will not have occasion to learn more about such places, but you probably will. As you say, it does change you. Thank you for sharing another image of how the minister learns and matures.

ms. kitty said...

I know now I need not be afraid of it, LF. Thanks for your thoughts.

Tina T-P said...

Oh, Kit, what a touching story - I am so glad for your friends that you were able to be there with them. T.

Mile High Pixie said...

It's an intense moment to share when you grieve and prepare with a family who loses someone to a violent death. I hope that those who spent time with me after m father's murder feel something good (or at least positively special) after it was all said and done. I was just describing having to pick out a casket and paying $30 extra for a pillow for him to my husband, who has not (yet) buried a parent. I wish I had had the clarity of mind to experience Dad in that moment between the gruesome moment of death and the sterile moment of "here's-your-dad-all-nice-and-sterile-and-easier-to-look-at." (Though we didn't do an open casket funeral, so the viewing was really just for immediate family.)

I don't know if I made any real points in the above, but I'm glad that you were allowed to join the family for such a special moment. You have all been blessed for it.

ms. kitty said...

Thanks, Pixie, I'm glad too.