TURNING TOWARD THE MORNING
Rev. Kit Ketcham, Nov. 24,
2013, PUUF
I
remember discovering this song that we’ve just heard at a fairly bleak time of
my life. It was late fall in Colorado, the golden aspen groves on the mountain
slopes were now starkly bare of their leaves, we’d had two feet of snow on
Halloween, my marriage was over, my son was struggling, my paycheck barely
lasted from month to month, and I was dreading the cold Rocky Mountain winter
ahead.
One
of my great pleasures in life then was attending the monthly acoustic music
jams of the Denver Friends of Folk Music. And one Saturday night, a fellow
folkie requested this song, and its words resonated with me and my anxious
mood.
I
was curious to know where the song came from. I was familiar with the New
England composer Gordon Bok’s work and looked for something from Gordon Bok
about why he wrote the song “Turning Toward the Morning”. Here’s what I found.
"One of the things that provoked this song was a
letter last November from a friend who had had a very difficult year and was
looking for the courage to keep on plowing into it. Those times, you lift your
eyes unto the hills, as they say, but the hills of … November can be about as
much comfort as a cold crowbar.
“You have to look ahead a bit, then, and realize that
all the hills and trees and flowers will still be there come Spring, usually
more permanent than your troubles. And if your courage occasionally fails,
that's okay, too: nobody expects you to be as strong (or as old) as the land."
- Gordon Bok”
I
liked that idea, of not dwelling too much on the bleakness of today’s troubles
and deliberately looking ahead to the brighter days of spring.
But
I also liked another, less obvious, theme within this song and that was the
idea that this man took his friend Joanie’s sorrow seriously and gave her the
one gift he felt he had to give: a song that reminded her that he cared about
her sorrow and, with his music, might help her lift her sight from the icy mud
of her surroundings and offer her courage and support by pointing to the simple
fact that the world is always turning toward the morning.
Late
fall can be a hard time of year, as the days grow shorter and shorter, sunny
days are few and far between, and the darkness consumes more and more of our
waking hours. It’s cold and often rainy and windy; we worry when the power goes
out, unsure of how long it will be out and whether we will be able to stay
warm. And the season seems to grind on and on. Often the upcoming holidays just
add to our anxiety and gloom.
Spring
seems very far away in November. The holidays can distract us, but we need more
than distraction sometimes. We need people and places we can depend on. We need
to find the truths about the world that sustain us, give us hope, give us reason
to keep pushing on, even when life’s troubles have overcome us and we see no
easy way out.
Sometimes
the only way out is through and November is like that.
I
thought of friendship as a theme for this service because Thanksgiving
signifies the beginning of a season of waiting for the light, of celebrating,
in various faith traditions, the hope inherent in the change of seasons at the
winter solstice, the sustaining grace of a menorah that never goes dim, the
sweet joy of a child’s birth, all occasions of growing light and diminishing
darkness.
These
relics of legend and history
represent the truth of light and warmth and survival, of the mystical and the
pragmatic, of the life process that includes both birth and death, both
darkness and bright splendor.
Remember
that old camp song “Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the
other gold”? Or Carole King’s “You’ve Got a Friend” and Paul Simon’s “Bridge
Over Troubled Waters”. All these songs speak of the faithfulness and kindness
of friends, the human need for friendship and connection with companions, the
need for friends to see us through tough times.
I
used to be kind of wary of making friends, never quite sure I could count on
them. Even best friends have a way of occasionally letting us down or hurting
us. Sometimes we learn that a person we thought of as a friend really doesn’t
like us very much or inexplicably disappears from our lives.
Sometimes
there are exclusions that deliver a message---you’re not our kind of people, so
we’re not inviting you to the party, to our church, to our inner circle. Ouch!
I suspect we’ve all had a few moments like these. And
some of them we brush off because they’re not important; others make us feel
rejected at a deep level, make us wonder if we are worthy of friendship.
I
was talking with a person awhile back about an experience she’d had in which
she felt excluded---possibly unintentionally, but….she wasn’t sure. And it
stirred up old feelings for her, of times when she’d felt similarly excluded or
watched others being excluded. Even though she was long past those experiences,
the reminders stung.
What
are our experiences with friendship? Where do we find our closest friends and
comrades? How many of us here still have some contact with friends from our
early days, maybe even elementary school? How long have you known your
longest-term friend? (?????)
Why
do we maintain contact with some of our earliest friends? What keeps us coming
back to them?
Erin
and I talked a bit about the common characteristics of our favorite
friendships: both of us noticed that there was a deep comfort level with these
friends, a sense of mutual understanding, both spoken and unspoken. These were mostly long-term friendships,
deepening over time. There was
always an aspect of fun, of zaniness that was allowable with these
friends. And there was, too, a
serious side, when we supported each other through tough times.
I’ve
often noticed that shared loss can create a bond. Long years ago, one of my
best high school friends, Audrea Montee, died of liver cancer. Audrea and I had
palled around all during grade school and high school; she was a crackerjack
softball player, smacking that ball way out into left field and then trotting
leisurely around the bases as fielders scrambled after the ball which was often
lost in the weeds of the far outskirts of the diamond. Audrea was pretty
chubby, which slowed her down a bit as she rounded the bases, but she was the
home run queen of our class.
She
and I were friends partly because we were both kind of teenage misfits, me
because I was a preacher’s kid and a brainiac and she because she was
heavy and had to wear matronly clothes, instead of the popular Pendleton
reversible skirts that were a hot item in high school. I didn’t have such a
skirt either, so we had that in common, but mainly we just liked each other.
She was funny and smart and shrugged off the teasing she got because of her
weight; I learned how to do that from her.
When
she died at about age 50, a consciousness of mortality seemed to hit some of us
McEwen High School grads hard. Out of our tiny graduating class of 20 or so,
eight had died young, some in farm accidents or car wrecks, some by cancer or
other disease. And so it became important to us who still lived to find each
other and hang on.
When
I moved back to the PNW in 1999, we started getting together, sometimes in
Athena, sometimes at each others’ homes. And a core group of six women formed
that has become one of the most important friendship groups I’ve ever
experienced.
The
interesting thing is that we weren’t close friends in high school, though we
knew each other well. All of the other women in the group were part of a
different crowd. They could date and go to the movies or go dancing; they had
boyfriends and were cheerleaders. I didn’t and I wasn’t. My social life
consisted of Baptist Youth Fellowship and other church activities. My school
achievements were Honor Roll and Student Body treasurer. Not the stuff of high
school dreams!
But
in our later years, when we were all in our fifties, we needed each other
because our world was changing. No matter where we lived, what our careers
meant to us, whatever our different circumstances had been in high school, the
people who had been part of our lives for such a long time were dying.
We
couldn’t keep that from happening, but we could forge bonds of friendship that
honored our long association and the common memories of growing up together in
our small community.
Not
long after Audrea’s death, another friend, Donna Myers, died suddenly of a
massive heart attack. And what had been just a vague idea in our minds became a
project. Donna’s grandson, Riley, was in Doernbecher Children’s hospital in
Portland with leukemia and the family had no health insurance. Could we help
Donna’s family?
Somebody
discovered that a softball tournament in Pendleton was being organized as a
fundraiser. Maybe we could participate! How long had it been since any of us
played softball? How good would we be without our slugger, Audrea? It didn’t
matter.
So
on a chilly November Saturday almost ten years ago, “Donna’s Team” formed and
played the crummiest softball you ever saw. But luckily, it was one of those
jokester games where all you had to do was pay off the umpire and get a re-do
on your strike-out or your being tagged at home plate. We played with toy bats
and hollow plastic softballs. We actually won one game, thanks to my son Mike’s
willingness to play and be one of the goofier, more entertaining players on the
field.
I
still have my Donna’s team t-shirt and hat, mementos of a time when friends
fought back the dark for a little boy whose Grandma had been one of us.
We
need each other, sometimes, to fight back the dark. Sometimes friends come to
our aid when we have an emergency; they take us in when the power goes out;
they cover for us when we are ill. They take us up to Portland when we have an
emergency. They buck us up by listening understandingly (or just by listening,
whether they understand us or not!), even if they can’t do a thing to help.
We
receive countless gifts from our friends, intangibles we can hardly name. And
what do we give, what can we give, in return for this kindness and support?
The
thing is, friends give their presence and their aid without any expectation of
return. It’s not a you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, much of the
time. It’s somebody stepping in when there are few other alternatives; it’s
somebody seeing our need when we are reluctant to admit our neediness.
It’s
not, usually, a “calling in of a chip” as we hear in the gangster movies on TV.
“He owes me a favor” seems more like a business deal than an act of friendship,
though I imagine sometimes that’s what we need.
What
have been some of the gifts you’ve received in the past months? Thanksgiving
has become a time to express our gratitude for blessings received. Because of
the economic uncertainty in our country, our blessings may have morphed from
material things to generosity measured in a different way.
What
are the gifts you have received recently from others? Let’s take a moment to
reflect and then share some of those gifts. (think, share)
The
generosity of both friends and strangers, plus our family members, is a sweet
thing to consider. These gifts of time and energy fill our hearts and give us
strength for the cold days ahead.
But
gratitude is a two way street. We receive gratefully from others, cherishing
the thought and the generosity that those gifts of spirit entail. And we also
give those gifts to others, grateful for the opportunity to be a giver of gifts
of spirit.
You
and I have doubtless encountered many people who give only so they can receive
something in return. There’s something uncomfortable about being either the
giver or receiver with a person like that. The best gifts are given with no
expectation of return; the best gifts are received with no expectation of
payback. These are gifts of the spirit.
What
are the spiritual gifts you have to give to others? Let’s take a moment to
reflect, once again, and then share some of those thoughts. (think, share)
The
gifts of the spirit are numerous and have often been incorporated as pillars of
some of the world’s great religions. They are universal values and we all have
them to impart and to receive.
Here’s
what I think, after considering how we might both give and receive the gifts of
the spirit. I want to tell you
about seven gifts of the spirit that I have found valuable.
One
of them is wisdom. We seek wisdom from others and we are able to offer our own wisdom
to those who seek it from us. Wisdom is the result of our own life experiences
and can be both general and specific.
Another
is understanding. We strive to understand another’s life circumstances and to
extend that understanding to those we meet. When someone really understands us
and we know it, that gift is priceless.
How
about the ability to make good decisions? This comes from conscience, the
ability to differentiate between right and wrong. We support others who make
good decisions, who choose for the right instead of the wrong; and we receive
from those who make right decisions, because we are better able to choose right
behavior ourselves because of them.
Then
there’s courage, revealed in the strength of character that develops when we
don’t back away from situations that scare us, when we accompany a friend on a
journey through terminal illness, when we encourage another to do the hard,
fearsome thing because it’s right.
Knowledge
is another gift. Our knowledge of the universe and of a life of integrity
offers us a way to find meaning in life despite its apparent randomness. We can
share knowledge when appropriate and we can receive knowledge gracefully, even
when it contradicts a fondly held belief.
Wonder
and awe are a gift that is sometimes lacking in us worldly adults. We often let
go of our ability to stand struck with awe at the beauty of the universe and of
the human creation; children give us back this gift, many times over. But this
is a gift we can give ourselves, as well as others, if we just take the time.
Reverence
is the final gift on my list, though there are many I haven’t mentioned. Our
desire for rationality and empirical experience sometimes makes it hard to be
reverent in the face of our knowledge of good and evil, especially when evil
seems so much more in evidence than good. But reverence has the ability to
infuse daily life with deeper meaning, like water on a withered plant.
Gordon
Bok sings his gift of spirit to his friend Joanie, “oh, my Joanie, don’t you
know that the stars are swinging slow, and the seas are rolling easy, as they
did so long ago, if I had a thing to give you, I would tell you one more time,
that the world is always turning toward the morning.”
Let’s pause for a time of silent reflection and prayer.
BENEDICTION:
Our worship service, our time of shaping worth together,
is ended, but our service to the world begins again as we leave this place. Let
us go in peace, remembering that we have gifts of the spirit to offer to each
other and spiritual gifts to receive as well. May we reflect upon the gifts we
have to give; may we receive gratefully the gifts that others hold out; and may
we hold fast to the truth, that the world, both literally and metaphorically,
is always turning toward the morning. Amen, Shalom, Salaam, and Blessed Be.